


Wondering

by kinneyb



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-04-04 01:01:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4120612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinneyb/pseuds/kinneyb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reid questions why Morgan would ever want to date him out of all people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wondering

“Morgan is popular.” JJ’s comment had started it all. “As per usual.”

Reid looked up, his eyes scanning the bustling club before finally landing on the topic of discussion. Morgan was dancing, moving around the floor with a confident smile plastered on his face. 

“Like I don’t see the appeal.” JJ continued, taking a sip of the non-alcohol beverage she’d ordered. She gestured with her cup at the way women were crowding Morgan like he was a piece of meat and they were  _starved_. “Guess that happens when you view someone as a brother.”

Garcia shrugged. “You’ve got a hot brother then.”

The pair started laughing but their laughter was quickly drowned out by the loud music. Reid however kept his eyes on Morgan, not once making a sound or looking away from him.

Hands - the women were touching him. Lips - the women were whispering far too close to his ear. He knew it wasn’t Morgan’s fault, knew Morgan wasn’t the type to stop his flirting even during a relationship, but somehow those thoughts didn’t calm the storm brewing inside him.

This wasn’t a big deal. It really wasn’t... so why was he standing up?

JJ looked at him. “Everything okay, Spence?”

Garcia followed with her own wave of concern. “Is something wrong?”

He finally forced his eyes away from Morgan, his gaze falling upon the two women. “I’m fine.” He said, forcing a small smile. “I just need some air. Actually...“ He peered at Morgan, who was now grinding against a woman. His stomach churned. “I think I’m just going to go home.”

JJ furrowed her brows but didn’t push him. “Want someone to ride with you?”

“No, no.” Reid grabbed his satchel from the chair next to him, pulling it over his shoulders. “You guys have fun.” He paused, images of Morgan flashing through his mind. He knew he was being unfair but he couldn’t help the jealously slowly building up inside the pit of his stomach. “Tell Morgan I left early for me, will you?”

Garcia smiled, patting Reid’s hand. “Of course. Feel better.”

With a final nod, Reid left the bar. The minute he got outside he breathed in the night air, cooling his lungs. He was so  _angry_ and he couldn’t even explain why. This was who Morgan was. He’d known that at the beginning - he’d known that the day he confessed. Why was it just now having such a toll on him?

He rummaged through his bag and pulled out his phone, staring at the screensaver. It was a picture of Morgan. Reid sucked in his bottom lip, chewing nervously on the chapped skin.

For a long moment he debated calling him, asking him to come out here. He just wanted to have him for a moment with nobody around. Finally Reid shook his head, dropping the phone back in his bag.

\---

Morgan pulled away from the group of women after an hour or two. “Sorry ladies.” He said with a tired smile, sweaty from dancing so wildly for so long. “I have somebody waiting for me over there.” He jerked his head in the direction of the table where the team was sitting when he noticed a certain someone was clearly missing. “Shit." _  
_

One of the women touched his shoulder. “You okay?”

He swiftly turned his head back around and smiled at her. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He waved one last time before heading over to the table. When he got there, he plopped down in a chair and stared at Garcia and JJ. He lifted an eyebrow. “You guys playing a prank on me or something?”

Garcia patted his arm. “Sorry, stud, little boy genius left early.”

“What?” Morgan asked, genuinely surprised. For the past few months whenever they attended a bar with the team like this they always left together and ultimately ended up crashing at his place. “Why?”

JJ shrugged, a small frown playing at her lips. “I don’t know. He seemed upset though.” It was like something suddenly clicked as she narrowed her eyes. “You didn’t do anything, did you?”

His hands quickly shot up in the air. “Don’t look at me. I’m innocent.”

“He does have a phone, you know.” Garcia said, gaining the attention of both agents. She stirred her drink with a straw, flashing a knowing smile. “Maybe it’d be good if you called him.”

Morgan stood up. He yanked out his phone, already halfway finished with typing Reid’s number when he looked up. “Sorry guys, I know this is meant to be a group thing and - “

“It’s okay,” JJ assured him with a wave of her hand. “Now go.”

He exited the bar, phone already pressed up against his ear. It rung a few times before it clicked over to the boy’s voicemail. “Come on, kid.” Morgan sighed, trying again. Once more it rang three times before popping over to his voicemail. “Dammit.”

Morgan shoved his phone in the pocket of his jeans. If he wouldn’t answer his phone he’d just have to go to him instead. He texted Garcia he was leaving, for which she texted back a suggestive smiley face - which he rolled his eyes at -, as he headed for his car.

They hadn’t directly told anyone about their relationship, not yet at least, but it was pretty obvious the tech analyst knew something was up without needing to be told a word.

\---

Reid sat on his couch, staring blankly at the wall across from him. He wondered what Morgan was doing right now, what he was saying or thinking. Reid closed his eyes. Maybe he depended on the him too much. Maybe that’s why he felt so jealous when he saw him giving others attention.

He opened his eyes, chewing on the inside of his cheek - a nervous habit. Maybe it’d be best if he put some distance between them. Only until he gained some control over himself again.

Dating or not, Morgan was Morgan and he couldn’t expect him to be somebody different just because they were together. He was a flirt, a tease, and nothing would change that.

Reid leaned his head against the pillow behind him. 

Just as he began drifting off, he was startled by the sound of someone gently knocking at the door. He jumped up, idly mushed down his messy hair, before approaching the door and peering through the peephole.

His heart skipped a beat.

Slowly he reached out, grasping the doorknob and turning it. When the door opened, he was immediately engulfed by Morgan. It was a short but tight hug.

Upon separating, Morgan flashed a relieved smile. “You’re okay. Good. You honestly have me worried there for a second when you wouldn’t answer your phone.” He waggled his phone. “Don’t do that again, please. With our type of job it’s not funny - “

Reid touched his chest, silencing him. Morgan glanced down, staring at the hand pressed against his chest. “Spencer...” He breathed. He only ever used his first name when they were alone. “Something’s bothering you, isn’t it?”

He heard the worry in his voice, so true and genuine, but it wouldn’t stop him from saying the words on the tip of his tongue. Reid looked up. “Derek.” The name burned his tongue. There was no going back now. “I think we should... take a break.” He gestured at Morgan then himself. “Lately my head has been so clouded and I just need some time - “

“Fine.”

Reid blinked, surprised by the reply. “Huh?”

Morgan shrugged away from his touch, his hand dropping from his chest. “If that’s what you want, fine.” He ran his fingers down his neck. A nervous habit of his own. “Sorry for bothering you, I guess.” He glanced at Reid one last time before turning around and exiting the genius’s apartment.

He could only watch as Morgan left, a sick feeling in the bottom of his stomach.

\---

Morgan stared at Hotch. “What is it?” He’d called him into his office a few minutes ago but he already had a good clue what he was about to be lectured about. Everyone had noticed.

“Morgan, I don’t...” Hotch looked straight at him, hands folded together neatly on his desk. “I don’t like prying into your personal life. Because of that, I won’t ask for details but the entire team has noticed the tension between Reid and you.” He paused, the next words not coming as easily. “It’s getting in the way of your jobs. So unless you can promise me you’ll work it out I think it might be best if you both take some time off.”

Each word felt a stab. “Hotch, really?” Morgan asked, disbelief heavily lacing his voice. There was no way he would put him on suspension for something like this. “We’re fine - there’s nothing going on, I promise you.”

With a disappointed sigh, Hotch extended his hand. 

Morgan mumbled something incoherent and stood up, handing over his credentials and gun. He felt naked without the firearm by his side. Hotch took both items, putting them away. “You can have them back once you’ve sorted through your issues with Reid.”

\---

Reid tried reading but nothing kept him distracted for long enough. He eventually admitted defeat, putting away the book he’d grabbed from his shelf. He never knew how horrible it’d taste to not be part of the team even if was just for a short while.

He plopped down on his couch, thinking of Morgan. He’d surely gotten the same news. Reid smiled softly. He probably showed anger - not sadness - at the news unlike him.

Getting comfortable, he buried his face in a pillow on the couch and slowly let sleep take him over. It’s not like he had anything better to do. 

He’d decided he officially hated the sound of knuckles against wood. 

Reid groggily rolled off the couch, nearly tripping over the blanket that had apparently slid off him during the night, and walked over to the door. Somehow he knew who it was without looking. Nobody but Morgan would visit at him - he glanced at the clock - three in the morning.

He opened the door. “Yes?”

Morgan stared at him. His eyes narrowed, lips firmly pressed together in a line. Even with the horrible expression he was sporting, Reid couldn’t help but stifle a smile at seeing Morgan again for the first time outside of work in about two weeks now. “I’m not leaving until we talk.”

“There’s nothing worth talking about.” Reid tried closing the door but before he could Morgan slipped his foot between the door and the frame. His lips formed a deep frown. He was always too strong. “Derek, please, I just - “

Morgan interrupted him, voice low and desperate. “Spencer, I don’t know what’s going on with you or what I did that made you want to push me away so badly but please just let us talk.” A hand slipped through the opening, gently stroking the genius's jawline. That touch - small as it was - broke through Reid’s resolve. He slowly stepped back, letting Morgan through the door. “Thanks.” He breathed, shutting the door behind him with a gentle click.

“I think I’m an idiot.” Reid spoke so suddenly it startled Morgan.

He furrowed his brows, testing the limits as he softly touched Reid’s arm. He didn’t move away from him. Actually he leaned against Morgan’s touch. “What are you talking about?” Morgan slowly led them over to the couch. Reid sat first, staring hard at the floor. “You’re a genius.”

Reid let out a choked laugh. “A dumb genius.”

“Come on, pretty boy.” Morgan squeezed his arm encouragingly. “Talk to me.”

Reid glanced at him, searching his eyes deeply. He didn’t look angry. Just worried. He’d made him worry for nothing. Reid clenched his hands into fists in his lap. He was always making him worry. Always ruining their relationship.

Before he knew it he felt a familiar wetness on his cheeks.

“Kid, don’t do that.” Morgan quickly wiped away some of his tears, the worry growing more and more evident in his voice by the second. “Just tell me what’s wrong. You know I won’t be mad.”

This was no longer about that single night. Reid knew that. He’d known that since the beginning. This was about him not being good enough. Morgan was all the things he wasn’t; handsome, charismatic, charming, funny. Why would someone like that ever want  _him_?

Reid’s tongue darted out, dampening his chapped lips. “ _Why_?”

There was a brief moment where Morgan merely stared at the other agent with a dumbfounded expression. Finally he spoke. “Why what?”

“Why me?” Reid continued, his voice breaking. He felt so stupid, so childish. Embarrassment boiled under the surface, staining his cheeks red. “You could have anyone you want but you picked me.” He paused. “Why?”

Morgan slowly smiled. “Really? You’ve gotta ask?” He pressed his shoulder against Reid’s, their bodies coming together as one. “Have you ever looked at yourself?” He cupped Reid’s face, outlining the curve of his jawline with his thumb. “You’re beautiful. You’re a fucking genius, Spencer, not most people can say that about themselves. You’re always trying to do the right thing. You care for the people around you even when they don’t deserve it.” His smile widened some. “How could I not fall for that?”

“You - “ Reid cleared his throat, shyly pushing some hair from his face. “You really think all that?”

“I do.” Morgan lifted an eyebrow. “Honestly I should be the one questioning why someone like  _you_ would ever want to date me.”

Reid stifled a smile, his cheeks growing redder. “I’m sorry for...” He lowered his head, gazing at the floor. “I guess everything, really.” He played with the hem of his shirt, pulling and tugging at the fabric nervously. “I never should’ve blocked you out like that. I should’ve - “

“Don’t.” Morgan mumbled, making Reid face him. “I’m just glad we got to the bottom of this.” Morgan pressed their lips together in a kiss, their teeth clanking together as Reid desperately and hungrily tried deepening the kiss. Yeah, he had missed this a lot.

\---

“You worked everything out?” Hotch inquired, handing the two agents their credentials and guns. He didn’t really need an answer, he could see they had by the change in their demeanor. Morgan was himself again - same with Reid.

Morgan glanced at Reid out of the corner of his eye. He stifled a smile. “Yeah.”

“Good.” Hotch let a small smile grace his features. “Now let’s get to work.”


End file.
